My life as a first grader.

We (mostly I) have been functioning as a six year old for the past several months.  Some would say that's how I function in all areas of my life, but I think it's mostly just the following:

Address - It took me two months to learn our address.  Sometimes I still get mixed up on our 'post code' (zip code), but I got it down now!  They write addresses differently over here.  For example, if I wanted to send a letter to Big Bird:

Monsieur Big Bird

Rue de Sesame 12

3456 Creepy Town

Street # and zip code are in different places from US style.  You don't put what floor he's on nor do you put the country.  Unless he moves to China.  

Phone Number - I was just recently able to give my phone number to someone without looking at it in my contacts (last week).  This is a huge accomplishment!  Usually I have to ask Adam what it is, but after one too many 'looks' and sighs of disapproval from him, I thought it would be best if I learned it.  Swiss do phone numbers this way:

(+41) 12 345 67 89  (+41 is Switzerland's country code)

It also took us seven hours to figure out how to dial a +

or

012 345 67 89 (if you call from a Swiss phone)

This is Rocco and I practicing on a plastic phone Adam bought for me:

Just kidding.  I would never wear head-to-toe baby pink.

Money - I am now proficient at using the various bills and coins.  Having seven different coins to mentally and physically manage is difficult.  However, I can now go through the grocery line and use coins rather than just hand the lady a 100chf bill (which used to happen each time).  When I first tried using coins, I got death stares because it took me soooo looonnnng to count it out.  Pretty detrimental to confidence.  I'm awesome at it now.  

 

Time - We use 24 hour time (Army time) over here.  It's horrible.  Seriously.  When we arrived, I made a vet appointment for the boys and showed up three hours early because I got times confused.  When someone says "See you at vingt hour" (20:00) I have to mentally subtract 12.  Sometimes I even catch myself using my fingers.  At first I think 20:00?!  That's too late for dinner!  Then I realize it's only 8:00.  I can't tell you how many times I have been asked the time by strangers.  I ALWAYS freeze up too.  Not because I don't know what time it it, but I just don't know how to communicate it.  It's so weird.  I am hoping to master the time skills by the time we move back.  Probably won't happen.

Temperature - Celsius.  It sucks.  I seriously loathe (stronger than hate) using Celsius.  I just poke my head out of the window to get the weather forecast. 20 degrees Celsius means nothing to me.  I know that 24-ish is really nice, 30 is hot, and Phoenix is somewhere around 83.  I don't think I'll ever get the hang of it.

  

Thanks Anders Celsius.  

P.S. Your hair is ugly.

Conversions - Ahh the metric conversions.  I remember learning something in school about them and thought "Pfft, we don't use the metric system here so who cares?"  Funny how that worked out.  Metric is easy in and of itself.  However, going from cups/miles/feet/pounds/etc. (empirical system) to anything metric requires technical assistance and critical thinking skills.  I have an app on my phone (Well, did.  I recently washed it doing laundry... another story.) and I frequently refer to my Better Homes cookbook index for conversions.  Celsius fits in again here.  If someone said, "Hey Ashley, I need 4 deciliters of peanut butter.",  I would have no clue what that looks like.  Is that close to a cup?  A barrel?  A teaspoon?  Equivalent to a swimming pool?  Who knows.   I try to not do any conversions.  Or I just guess.  Hopefully no one will ever ask me for 4 deciliters of peanut butter.

Look at this witty comic I found.  Someone spent way too much time drawing out a cheesy joke.

French - Oh my gosh.  I feel like a toddler trapped in an adult's body.  I am learning French, but I have a very limited range of vocabulary and applicable phrases... equivalent to our 2.5 year old nephew's language skills.  That's actually if I can get the words out of my mouth.  Usually a French conversation induces heart palpitations and extreme palm sweat.  I know how to say random things like "It's snowing out. I am American.  Do you have any apples?  My dogs are both male.  Where is the bank?"  Honestly, though I can't just walk up to people and say "Hello!  It is snowing.  Do you have apples?"

I was 'talking' to a lady one day about the fur kids and she said "Ohh!  Voila! (vwah-la) and quickly stormed off.  It was awkward.  Really awkward.  I mentally retraced the conversation trying to figure out what went awry.  I said my French phrases again and figured it out.  I was trying to tell her they were male and kind of bad, but I wound up saying they were bad and very sick.  Oops.  Also, I may have misdirected an elderly woman asking for directions to the bus stop one morning.  I hope she didn't have anywhere important to be.  Like a life saving doctor's appointment.

I can only wish that one day I will be able to communicate as good as a French-speaking first grader.  I think Adam's given up learning French.  I don't blame him.

              

Au revoir!

Driving Handbook

Over the past three and a half months we've been observing and battling this European concept of traffic.  It's unlike anything we have ever experienced in 'the states' (unless you count driving in Indiana, which comes close).  When we visited in December, there weren't a ton of people out because it was freezing, snowing, and people were either up in the mountains skiing and drinking or away for holidays.  So, upon our move in March, we witnessed something along the lines of Shark Week in the streets.  It's nuts.  Although we don't have to take a driver's test to get our license (just proof that we have driven for at least three years or that we've passed third grade... either will work I believe), we have been able to assemble a 'rule book', if you will, that can prepare anyone for driving here.

1.  Horn blowing.
We've found that a lot of people over here love to prematurely honk.  God forbid you ever get stuck at the front of the line at a stop light.  If this does happen, look in your rearview mirror and you will see an a-hole who is writhing with anticipation.  He thinks you've been to Nascar camp and that you should be able to get off the line like Vin Diesel.  He has the reflexes of a cat and will honk the millisecond the light turns yellow (see #9).  You should have known.  Just stop driving.  Also, when I say 'he' it's just a generic term.  You are just as likely to get honked at by a sweet grandmother. 
Other horn blowing incidents may include: anything.  You should know.
   
2.  Hierarchy of the street.
I made a visual to help you understand where your car is in the hierarchy of things.  All members must yield to those above them.  If you're driving a tram... you only yield to people.  Lucky.  Oddly enough, people rule the street here.  Nevermind the 300ft. long bus barreling down the street towards you.  You have the right of way.  He'll slam on his breaks (injuring a few passengers) and allow you to take your sweet time crossing while texting your bff.  No worries. 

If you choose to drive a car... bahahaha!!!  Have fun with that.  Consider all the parties you have to yield to and then throw in some 'legible' street signs (see #3).  The urge to illegaly purchase Zanex will overcome you.

3.  Street signs.

You were hoping for street-name signs?  Awww... that's cute.  The idea of labeling a street with it's name on a large, brightly-colored sign hasn't really taken root here.  I have high hopes though.  They do have navy blue (just the color to get your attention) signs on the side of buildings with street names.  So, if you have vision on par with a hawk, you might do just fine.  Other street signs include the ones seen at the right.  Good thing they have distinguishing signs for 'domestic' and 'wild' animal crossings.  I wouldn't want to be misled.  There is also a creepy sign picturing an old man walking with a little girl.  We're confident that it means 'crossing for pedophiles only'. 

If your taking a trip to Lausanne, nevermind directions.  Just follow the white arrow that says Lausanne on it until you see another one... then follow that one... then the next one... then hope you make it.  It's like an Easter egg hunt, but in your car!

4.  GPS  

Besides you getting lost, your GPS will too.  Don't be surprised if it leads you to a bridge that is only for people or tells you to turn left into a river.  It may also tell you to make four right turns, in which case you'll make a square.  You can try using a GPS, but it may become distracting and you'll get the urge to throw it out the window.  However, the benefits slightly outweigh the risks.  Side note:  I want the one where you can have Snoop Dogg's voice. 

5.  "Some people don't... have maps... "

I consider myself a prodigy when it comes to directions, maps, and knowing how to get somewhere.  However, I've been defeated.  The map thing made me think of Miss North Carolina, a true gem.  Well, we do have maps, but trying to read maps here is like trying to interpret a story from a kindergartener called "Juraffs Frynd" they wrote while on a cupcake binge... which I still have in my box of memories.  The map is a hot mess and it is better used as an umbrella. 

6.  Parking.

See Shark Week refernce at top.  I always thought trying to park in Lexington was hard, but I was wrong.  The parking situation is similar to a pinata at a party with five year olds... waiting... stalking... ready to maul... and pounce any semblance of candy.   There are an endless amount of people driving around (anytime from 4:30 on) who are on the hunt for the elusive parking spot.  We see some people foaming at the mouth because they've been driving around forever.  It will take you no less than twenty minutes to find a spot in your 'zone.'  The zone is the imaginary parking area that you pay 250chf for each year.  It entitles you to park in any area with blue curbs.  I've considered buying a a can of blue spraypaint to keep in the car. 

We see desperate parkers sometimes.  If you go out early enough each morning you might find a car in the middle of a jungle gym.  He or she spent about an hour searching desperately the night before.  They probably even found a spot and some jerk cut them off and stole it... that's when the drinking started.  They began thinking about life and how they don't have one because they spend every waking moment trying to park.  Finally, they decided to pull 'er up into a playground to avoid getting a DUI or falling asleep at the wheel.  Not saying we do that, but I can see how it could easily come to that.   

7.  Construction.

It's everywhere.  Once you have your few 'established routes' down, they'll come and tear the street apart to put in new benches.  Have fun finding out how to get to the interstate now sucka'.   

8.  Break down?

Abandon it, especially if you're in the city.  Quickly.  Utilize the forests if needed.  I've thought about this a lot.  What would we do if we broke down?  No AAA over here.  It would cost more to tow and fix the car than what we paid for it.  Abandoning sounds right.

9.  Green.  Yellow.  Red.  Yellow.

Forget all you've ever learned about stoplights.  The light turns yellow before green.  I guess that means 'We know you're driving a manual.  Get going or you'll be honk-raped in one second.'  Also, they have lights for buses, taxis, trams, bikes, and people.  They want to be efficient.  Not confusing.  See an example of the dreaded light pole to the right (this one without the people light).  

 

10.  Don't you dare. 

Assuming that you ONLY cross the street at designated crosswalks and lights, don't hesitate.  Don't even act like you might hesitate a little... at all.  You will be yelled at in French, honked at obnoxiously, or run over.  Since this post is about driving, act accordingly drivers.  You can yell obscenities, honk like a mad man, or just keep going.  I said people 'rule the street' over here (see hierarchy), but only if they're obeying traffic laws. 

Things we actually appreciate:  round-abouts, lack of police traffic monitoring

That is all.  Happy travels.
 

Moving Day!

I've tried to block most of this day from my memory....

We spent a lot of our time, in Kentucky, trying to get the dogs squared away and ready to fly.  We bought them two crates, took them to the vet in Louisville (Banfield) to get their health certificates, found out we had to go to Frankfort to get the USDA 'seal of approval', found out that the vet did a crappy job on the paperwork, went back to the vet in Louisville to have them redo the paperwork the next day (our vet took a convenient trip to Vegas, so the other one tried to complete the paperwork), went back to Frankfort only to find out that the paperwork the vet did was so horrible that they recommended going to a new vet altogether, went to E-town to start the whole process over again, and had to go to the Nashville USDA office literally a few hours before our flight.  It was a great time!

Since I'm not a huge fan in writing in paragraph form right now, here are some highlights from our day:

• Left my parent's house early in the morning to drive to Nashville, TN (closest airport that had planes big enough to get the dogs to Newark)
• Like I said before, we had to stop at the USDA office to get the dogs cleared to 'export'
• USDA office went quicker than anticipated, so we went to a giant park and let the dogs run around before they had to spend all day in their crates
• Met my awesome cousin Matt at the airport (he works for Southwest)... he had huge carts and helped us get our 20 bags to the counter
• Spent about an hour and a half at the check-in counter.  I'm not sure why it took so long, but the dogs took a lot of time.
• Jackson & Rocco popped a couple of Benadryl then they underwent a 'bodyscan' from the TSA.  Really?  You should have seen the lady trying to get her big wand in the crates.
• My parents came with us and hung out at the gate for a bit (thanks Matt!)
• Said our goodbyes and then headed off to Newark for our loooonnnnnggg flight
• Transferred to a giant plane in Newark... worried about the dogs and how cold it was outside.  I just wanted to see them and tell them we didn't abandon them!!! :(
• Flight to Geneva was great (other than lasting 7 hours).  The plane was probably about 25% full.  Adam and I each had our own row of seats to lay across... as did most of the other passengers.  We slept most of the way. 
• Arrived in Geneva around 8:00am.  Got all 47 of our bags and then went to find the dogs.  They came out on a little 'fragile' conveyer belt and looked a little confused.
• Customs was kind of a joke.  They just looked at our paperwork and scanned the microchips on the dogs... did we really just spend the entire last two days worrying they weren't going to get through?  We could have totally used the botched paperwork that we had to get redone.  Awesome. 
• So happy to see the pooches!  They were a little stressed, but they did a lot better than we expected.  They were happy to get out and walk around.
• Met our real estate agent, Catherine, and had cafe (espresso) and a little meeting before heading off to our temporary apartment

We made it!!!  It was a long day, but everything went great!